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Well, fuck.
.....
I can't believe I was wrong.

... To be honest, for years now, every time I've said anything about "freedom," and anything being wrong with this universe, and wanting EVERYTHING, and quantum superposition... this thought always nagged at the back of my head:
"... But isn't this ideal universe already exactly what I'm talking about? Aren't... I already technically living in such a thing...?"
But I don't know if I ever...

...
Yeah.
I'm not even sure what to say anymore, because my entire "life" is a load of bullshit.

I'll probably have a better idea later, though.

Edit:
Well, since you asked.
I just nearly killed my family.
I haven't been able to get a wink of sleep lately, for reasons that are pretty much my drunk family's fault, even though I'm literally fighting a fatal condition and they all know that (???), not to mention they've been...

I JUST REMEMBERED THAT I USED TO ACTUALLY HAVE THE ABILITY TO CONCENTRATE ON THINGS
..... In a few weeks.........

OKAY WHAT THE FUCK
JUST WHAT THE FUCK
JUST WHAT THE FUUUUCK
... Er, sorry. Sorry for the crazy blog post. :#


*desperately controls breathing*
......

Crazy person symptoms update:

3 pressures on each far side of brain/head (right/left), top around where horns would be, ~middle of skull,...

(Novel ver here)
With these frail, human, childish hands...
I will reach the heavens, I will tear them apart, and I will create my ideal.

Nothing will stop me. If I am dismembered, I will find new limbs. If I am buried, my violated heart's function nowhere to be found, I will still crawl back from the grave.

Just as I have done countless times before. Throughout history, throughout the future, and even while all alone, in a cold pocket of oblivion....

But it's pretty hard now that I'm actually living a life.
Still, that year of puberty, where those kinds of thoughts tend to manifest the most...
... The feelings were too strong. And to me, reality actually bent to the feelings, creating countless terrifying examples before I could begin to let go of my rationality.
... As I remember my thoughts, and feelings...
They were definitely real. If they did not extend into reality, for me, they had the ability to change such...