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I'm assuming the "one" that is in the metaphorical hand is a stack of dollar bills. In which case I would like to invest in these magical bushes that sprout half a stack of dollar bills, therefore creating several more hands full of Benjamins.

Now then, on to business. There is none.

And weather- Today there is a 100% chance of you not caring enough to watch the news and getting caught up in a tornado as you drive down the road. Serves you right for taking...

Obviously the best way to survive a tsunami is to cause another earthquake in front of it, driving the force elsewhere. Like Antarctica, damn penguins are trying to take over the world anyway.

In order to properly pilot a golf cart, you need three things: battery power, beer, and pure rage. Also, golf courses can double as disco floors if you use a lot of spray paint and pepper spray.

I tried to deposit a check into my bank account but was prevented from doing so by...

Kicking puppies is good aerobic exercise, but not nearly as light hearted as zero-gravity boxing. In order to win against more talented opponents, you need to use gloves with tazers sticking out of the ends, though revolvers, (while not as effective in gardening), also supply you with a fashionable accessory. I took this knowledge into great consideration whilst deliberating buying a Hummer, before realizing Venezuela was an island and I would not be able to drive to my fuel source in the first...

Yes I just made a blog with the sole purpose of sharing a skipping Sephiroth.

...I know it's old, but in this case Old is Gold.