Originally Posted by me in thread "Evil" (Post 1414907)

Although, now that you mention it... This mention of "desensitization" reminds me.

My empathy... or perhaps partial apathy to the harm of myself (due to my empathy, the harm of others is partially the same, as I can see it as my own) towards... err... certain examples of imaginary trees (I really, really don't like this "evil" thing *brain melts* ugh)...

It's probably partly because of desensitization.

My parents weren't exactly right in the head, and in between choking sessions, my mom would break down and cry and say she loves me for a split second before freaking out again, and my dad would tell me he loved me very rarely with the worst timing when I was really, really young, before things started to fall apart with my mom and him around when I was age 3-4. But by then he had long been pushed too far to do anything but take out his frustrations on me, no matter how hard he may have tried to do otherwise...

Throughout almost the entirety of my childhood, when I was physically capable of doing so, I could only wail in shocked, totally hysterical agony, refusing to accept the entirety of the terrible nature of the world my overactive perception saw. Yet that only inconvenienced people... As I watched other children get comforted when they cried--even into my early teens, the thought that people in this world could actually be embraced and comforted like I had seen on TV was just the one thing too heartbreaking for me to dwell on--I could only open my eyes even wider as people pointed fingers at me, calling me a liar and whatnot. The increased shock let me keep my open mouth quiet for a bit, and even though I tried to make that shocked silence last as long as I could... I still inconvenienced lots of people as a child. ;(

But, yeah. I've already been pushed off of the brink countless times, and it was never in my nature to do anything but cry about it, or stand back up again. I just... was an empathic child, so even when I was hysterically desperate for my parents to help me in a different way... I couldn't even reach out to a break a plate. Even the slightest motion was pitiful. I just couldn't even understand how people could yell at others, or hurt others intentionally back then.

So... After countless precedence that dangerously wore down my immune system from stress alone by the time I was 16... I may simply be blessed with the life experience that allows me to look at "evil people" without a hint of condemnation. :smile:

Heck, now that you mention it, I've never even really known any people who aren't like that, so it's no wonder. :3

Nope. I didn't have that misunderstanding. We're good. It's a rather confusing subject, though, so I can see why you might make that mistake.

It just gives me stomach twirls when someone calls a human "evil." Then again, I've never had that problem before, so that probably is because of my fever. LOL

Originally Posted by me in thread "Lack of self-confidence" (Post 1417422)

Socially, I suppose I could say I have zero self-confidence... Of course, it is non-negotiable that it is in the nature of anything possessing a will to be able to do anything it manages to set its mind to without despairing, even if that means surpassing itself, its universe, and "God" in every way. This is very notably completely regardless of the being's pitifulness or the complete hopelessness of any circumstances; that only becomes a limit if you somehow convince yourself that it is truly completely hopeless, and give in to the self-consuming delusions of human society.

However, other than my extremely irrational inferiority complex--meaning that I cannot accept anything but inferiority, not that I become offended by the notion that I may be, or any other mistaken interpretation--and various aspects of denial and inadequacies, I am completely self-aware--this implies an understanding of the universe beyond average human comprehension, as well.

My lack of self confidence does not impede my performance in remotely the same ways it seems to impede others' here; I struggle to see how any social interaction would have such a deep-reaching effect on my [Only registered and activated users can see links. Click Here To Register...], other than the wonderful acquisition of more life experience. However, I fear that some whom observe my responses may label me as condescending or possessing horrible, cruel intentions that I could not even imagine, because of the irrational way this concept can manifest in my words.

Originally Posted by me in thread "Effort" (Post 1417371)

For me, moving, staying physically and mentally conscious and alive, and "normal" functioning take extreme, unimaginable effort. I can't even begin to describe it... But if I was the type to ever complain about "unfairness," I can tell you that the ease with which others often stay awake and move their muscles and their brain would go beyond envy and simply bring me to hysterical tears.

Eating also takes a lot of effort. It's very difficult to eat solid food...

Originally Posted by winterweird (Post 1417690)

Would you be willing to elaborate in exactly which way it makes no sense? Because the way I view it, it does indeed make sense. The only time I can think of when it doesn't is if one considers spiritual existence set apart from one's material existence in the world as a fact.

Or if you want to be specific about it, then perhaps the fact that the atoms we consist of existed far prior to the moment of conception, but I honestly don't see why my "history" should start with the creation of my atoms and not with the creation of my "self", so to speak.

Originally Posted by blackgate99 (Post 1417961)

ima simple minded guy from the south, i talk slowish and keep to my self, but i didnt understand half of what you said...i guess im only good at talking computers and trucks...sigh...smart people :p