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Old April 1, 2012   #1
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Default Story of My Life, Vainity

OK 3rd part someone should start reading lol. This one goes more with the second and talks about my ideals yay. Hope you enjoy
Music: Just had to use this song. The piano part in the beginning is just amazing


The steps I walked were with those vain
Always caring about their appearance or status
Even material goods were a necessity to them
I could never understand

But I was different
I didn't care about how my hair looked
Or how popular I was
I wasn't vain in the slightest

While others hid their real selves
I just went through my days as an open book
Shy but willing to tell others about me
Always ready to help

Yet I started to change
And gave more care to materialism
Trusted the people around me less and less
But I always held onto a part of me

Even if I was getting changed
I would hold onto the part of me
The part that could give a damn to what others think
Always going against the mainstream

Living my life apart from theirs
Never caring for their opinions
Even if they suck me in
I will fight against them until the end

That is me...

This is very crazy skips around a lot lol. Short too... I hope someone doesn't kill me for posting 4 poems in one night...

The other Parts
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Last edited by dragonwate; April 1, 2012 at 11:11 PM.
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Old April 1, 2012   #2
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I like the progression, I don't have to wait and I think it captivates the reader.

It's not a story it's a poem, so ppl just need to take their time and read all 4 parts, I think the way you structured that encourages ppl to be interested in what you have to say.

In other words it's the closest to a story yet not because it's a poem and that is a unique and great idea to have it done in all one evening.

It doesent make the reader wait and encourages ppl to read more in the poetry section.

The fact that you have based it on your experience makes it even more enticing to read!

Well Done dragon!
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Old April 1, 2012   #3
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I forgot to mention from the beginning... i really like this theme. The pace in this one is starting to fade in a way mainly due to grammatical errors. You might wanna take a look at the last 3 stanzas on this one. And vanity? The devil's favorite sin lol. And yes you did skip around a lot in this one though.

nice... to the next we go
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Old April 1, 2012   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CureOne View Post
I like the progression, I don't have to wait and I think it captivates the reader.

It's not a story it's a poem, so ppl just need to take their time and read all 4 parts, I think the way you structured that encourages ppl to be interested in what you have to say.

In other words it's the closest to a story yet not because it's a poem and that is a unique and great idea to have it done in all one evening.

It doesent make the reader wait and encourages ppl to read more in the poetry section.

The fact that you have based it on your experience makes it even more enticing to read!

Well Done dragon!
No comment... grrr... count her post as mine too...
Oh no, I'm turning into an Old, Grumpy Bear...
I do like the depth to your, poem, though there maybe something going on with grammar...
only thought about it after reading all of Reese's criticisms... *stare*...
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Old April 2, 2012   #5
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this one was ok, because u skipped some things, there are parts (in my opinion) that look a bit rushed but thats all, its still a good job!
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Old April 2, 2012   #6
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This showed a lot more of your growth simply wonderful. I think this is the most feeling I felt from you and yes it was short but to the point. Very well done once again Dragon You did four poems in such a short time and all had a deep meaning behind them. Thanks for you sharing these with us and seeing the real you!
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Old April 2, 2012   #7
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a poem thet reflects on a persons...
kinda reminds me of myself...
last poem i said in the "Story of my life"my classmates ignored me right?
if u want to ask about the other guys around my neighbor hood...heh...
lets just say...im thankful i moved into a different country...
if not....i still would be fighting my demons....
the guys....always ganged up on me....
always bruised.....
welllbetter to be in this country i am inn where nobody cares and they would ignore you rather than being injured in a different country right...?
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Old April 2, 2012   #8
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and until now...i still am being haunted by those demons of mine...
my past....is...
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