|April 12, 2012||#1|
In the sunset [GnetiS tales]
So i tried something new, this is a story but i wrote it in the same format as my poems.
Tell me what you think about it, took me some time to write it so i hope i won't dissapoint D:
If you are interested in me continuing with this "GnetiS tales" series then tell me so ^^
so, le music:
[Only registered and activated users can see links. ]
Come, let me tell you a story
Just sit quiet and listen
This tale is about a girl
Who I met many years ago
When I was young like you, I lived in a small village
The village laid close to the city where I worked
And every day I would walk to work
Following the path by the sea
One day, on my way home from work
I saw this girl, standing by the cliff edge
She was dressed in a simple red checkered dress
And her long brown hair was flying in the wind
Shy as I was, I hurried my steps
Not daring to look at her any longer
After walking to the village gates
I turned around, to see if the girl remained.
But there were no trace of her
Just the swaying of the grass
And the glittering ocean
Bathed in the warm light of sunset.
Next day, while walking home
I saw her again
Just as last time
She was gazing towards the horizon
And just as last time
I hurried past her
That night, I couldn’t stop thinking of her
Why was she standing at the cliff edge.
The next day, I went around in town
Asking people who that girl was
But nobody seemed to know her
And nobody else had seen her
Day after day was the same
She was standing by the cliff edge
And I passed by
Growing more curious by each day
So finally one day, I forced myself to stay
I stood on the road, watching the girl
And then, as the sun set
She threw herself over the Cliffside.
In shock, I stood there
Unable to move or speak
And then, when it dawned upon me
What just had happened
Eventually, I made my way home
That night, I cried
Remembering the image of her hair flying to the wind
I should have done something, if I just had talked to her……
Next day I walked home from work
Following the same path as always
And then I saw her, standing at the same spot
How could she stand there, it was impossible
But yet, there she was
And relief filled me
I started to approach her
But the sun set.
Where she had stood a moment ago
Nothing remained of her
I ran to where she had stood
And looked over the Cliffside
But there were no body
Not a single trace of the girl
And I cried out in frustration
She had slipped away again
Next day, the same thing happened
I found myself staring at her
While she gazed into the distance
But this time, I wouldn’t let her slip away
I ran towards her
And just as she was about to jump
I grabbed her
And pulled her up in silence
I found myself embracing her
And she looked up, into my face
She had beautiful eyes
They were the same color as the sunset, and as deep as the ocean
Then she spoke, with a faint voice
“Thank you for catching me”
Then, she kissed me
With lips cold as ice
She then turned to dust
Disappearing from my arms
Shimmering as the wind carried her away
Drawn away from this world
I passed by that place many times after that
But I never saw her again
I hope she found peace
That girl in the checkered dress, who gazed into the sunset
Last edited by GnetiS; April 12, 2012 at 03:39 AM.
|April 12, 2012||#2|
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Denver CO
Thanked 132 Times in 123 Posts
That was really nice and I enjoyed reading this. What a refreshing story you have made and yes I love to see more of these from you. Thank you for sharing this and I look forward to reading more.
|The Following User Says Thank You to NewDoctorWho For This Useful Post:|
|April 12, 2012||#3|
I'm really glad that you enjoyed reading my story, and i will try to continue it if enough people seems interested. But even if i don't continue this story series, you will see more of my poems for sure :)
Last edited by GnetiS; April 12, 2012 at 04:22 AM.
|April 12, 2012||#4|
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: The Land of the Midnight Sun
Blog Entries: 133
Thanked 618 Times in 410 Posts
Wonderful story bro! All I have to say. :')
Life is good and Liquid Funk is the water of life.
|The Following User Says Thank You to Drickz For This Useful Post:|
|April 12, 2012||#5|
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Climbing AU Mountain..
Blog Entries: 15
Thanked 485 Times in 372 Posts
:O i think i'm addicted :D.. write more!! :P..
|The Following User Says Thank You to ultimateanimelover101 For This Useful Post:|
|April 12, 2012||#6|
Join Date: Dec 2011
Blog Entries: 4
Thanked 617 Times in 424 Posts
I'm impressed. It was a very well written, and fluid poem that told an interesting story. The imagery was detailed and the feelings were expressed well. I honestly found myself wanting to read more as it went on and even the end was done really well. To answer the above question, i'd definitely want to see more of these stories.
"Who the hell do you think I am?"
Last edited by Gildarts; April 12, 2012 at 04:46 AM.
|April 12, 2012||#7|
I will do my best to make this "GnetiS tales" series a reality :)
|April 12, 2012||#8|
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Pearl of the pacific.
Blog Entries: 68
Thanked 680 Times in 466 Posts
That was a great poem Neti. There was so much feeling to it, and also very descriptive, i could actually picture it while i was reading. I would love to read more of it.
(¯`·..·» Many thanks to Lelouch_Vi_Britannia for the awesome set «·..·´¯)
~ Only the victors are allowed to live. This world is merciless like that. ~
|The Following User Says Thank You to Reese220 For This Useful Post:|
|April 12, 2012||#9|
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: ♡My Place♡
Blog Entries: 6
Thanked 5,075 Times in 3,959 Posts
That was a Terrific Tale Neti!
It was really captivating with just the right amount of intrigue, romance and tragedy. So much so that I just couldént stop reading It!
Thanks Neti! It was wonderful!
|The Following User Says Thank You to CureOne For This Useful Post:|
|April 12, 2012||#10|
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Middle of Nowhere NM
Blog Entries: 10
Thanked 570 Times in 424 Posts
Wow that was very good. Story that fits as a poem kinda like an epic, no? Enough with that weird diction, anyway the poem was simple and sweet. Releasing a lost soul from the chains that bound her to our world. I definitely want to see more.
|The Following User Says Thank You to dragonwate For This Useful Post:|