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Old April 12, 2012   #1
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Default In the sunset [GnetiS tales]

So i tried something new, this is a story but i wrote it in the same format as my poems.
Tell me what you think about it, took me some time to write it so i hope i won't dissapoint D:

If you are interested in me continuing with this "GnetiS tales" series then tell me so ^^

so, le music:
[Only registered and activated users can see links. ]


Come, let me tell you a story
Just sit quiet and listen
This tale is about a girl
Who I met many years ago

When I was young like you, I lived in a small village
The village laid close to the city where I worked
And every day I would walk to work
Following the path by the sea

One day, on my way home from work
I saw this girl, standing by the cliff edge
She was dressed in a simple red checkered dress
And her long brown hair was flying in the wind

Shy as I was, I hurried my steps
Not daring to look at her any longer
After walking to the village gates
I turned around, to see if the girl remained.

But there were no trace of her
Just the swaying of the grass
And the glittering ocean
Bathed in the warm light of sunset.

Next day, while walking home
I saw her again
Just as last time
She was gazing towards the horizon

And just as last time
I hurried past her
That night, I couldn’t stop thinking of her
Why was she standing at the cliff edge.

The next day, I went around in town
Asking people who that girl was
But nobody seemed to know her
And nobody else had seen her

Day after day was the same
She was standing by the cliff edge
And I passed by
Growing more curious by each day

So finally one day, I forced myself to stay
I stood on the road, watching the girl
And then, as the sun set
She threw herself over the Cliffside.

In shock, I stood there
Unable to move or speak
And then, when it dawned upon me
What just had happened

Eventually, I made my way home
That night, I cried
Remembering the image of her hair flying to the wind
I should have done something, if I just had talked to her……

Next day I walked home from work
Following the same path as always
And then I saw her, standing at the same spot
How could she stand there, it was impossible

But yet, there she was
And relief filled me
I started to approach her
But the sun set.

Where she had stood a moment ago
Nothing remained of her
I ran to where she had stood
And looked over the Cliffside

But there were no body
Not a single trace of the girl
And I cried out in frustration
She had slipped away again

Next day, the same thing happened
I found myself staring at her
While she gazed into the distance
But this time, I wouldn’t let her slip away

I ran towards her
And just as she was about to jump
I grabbed her
And pulled her up in silence

I found myself embracing her
And she looked up, into my face
She had beautiful eyes
They were the same color as the sunset, and as deep as the ocean

Then she spoke, with a faint voice
“Thank you for catching me”
Then, she kissed me
With lips cold as ice

She then turned to dust
Disappearing from my arms
Shimmering as the wind carried her away
Drawn away from this world

I passed by that place many times after that
But I never saw her again
I hope she found peace
That girl in the checkered dress, who gazed into the sunset
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Last edited by GnetiS; April 12, 2012 at 03:39 AM.
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Old April 12, 2012   #2
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That was really nice and I enjoyed reading this. What a refreshing story you have made and yes I love to see more of these from you. Thank you for sharing this and I look forward to reading more.
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Old April 12, 2012   #3
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Originally Posted by NewDoctorWho View Post
That was really nice and I enjoyed reading this. What a refreshing story you have made and yes I love to see more of these from you. Thank you for sharing this and I look forward to reading more.
Thank you ^^

I'm really glad that you enjoyed reading my story, and i will try to continue it if enough people seems interested. But even if i don't continue this story series, you will see more of my poems for sure :)
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Old April 12, 2012   #4
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Wonderful story bro! All I have to say. :')
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Old April 12, 2012   #5
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:O i think i'm addicted :D.. write more!! :P..
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Old April 12, 2012   #6
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I'm impressed. It was a very well written, and fluid poem that told an interesting story. The imagery was detailed and the feelings were expressed well. I honestly found myself wanting to read more as it went on and even the end was done really well. To answer the above question, i'd definitely want to see more of these stories.
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Old April 12, 2012   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ultimateanimelover101 View Post
:O i think i'm addicted :D.. write more!! :P..
Thank you, i'll do my best ^^

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gildarts View Post
I'm impressed. It was a very well written, and fluid poem that told an interesting story. The imagery was detailed and the feelings were expressed well. I honestly found myself wanting to read more as it went on and even the end was done really well. To answer the above question, i'd definitely want to see more of these stories.
Thanks for the awesome comment, i really appreciate it :D

I will do my best to make this "GnetiS tales" series a reality :)
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Old April 12, 2012   #8
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That was a great poem Neti. There was so much feeling to it, and also very descriptive, i could actually picture it while i was reading. I would love to read more of it.
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Old April 12, 2012   #9
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That was a Terrific Tale Neti!

It was really captivating with just the right amount of intrigue, romance and tragedy. So much so that I just couldént stop reading It!

Thanks Neti! It was wonderful!
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Old April 12, 2012   #10
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Wow that was very good. Story that fits as a poem kinda like an epic, no? Enough with that weird diction, anyway the poem was simple and sweet. Releasing a lost soul from the chains that bound her to our world. I definitely want to see more.
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